I asked Sensei to update us on his worldly travels. He requested I edit it for appropriateness. I did no such thing. -Kelsey
Greetings from New Zealand! For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Spencer Ho ’09 (aka Master Sensei, aka #3 w/ Egg Roll, aka Ducksauce). I am currently on tour with the Olympic Club rugby team. The OC is a San Francisco based rugby team that competes in DI. I have been playing 15s and 7s with them for the past two years. We finished second in the country last year after a tough loss to the Glendale Raptors.
Our tour consists of a two week long adventure through the beautiful country of NZ where boozing, debaucheries, and sheep shagging are a daily affair. The first stop of our tour was New Plymouth for the US vs. Ireland game. We landed in Auckland at 5 AM the day of the US-Ireland game. My initial impression of New Zealand is that Rugby is culture down here. Yes, there are lots of rugby related advertisements because of the World Cup. But, every thing in NZ has some sort of marketing campaign that has the All Blacks brand. I mean we flew Air New Zealand and the safety information video had all of the All Blacks’ players in it. Absolutely crazy about rugby here.
After a 13 hour flight from SF, we immediately commenced in skulling a few Steinlagers (a local NZ brew). After hopping on a small puddle jumper airplane to New Plymouth, we dropped our gear at the humble Flamingo Motel and hit downtown New Plymouth for lunch and brews.
After devouring a plate of steaks, eggs, and chips and washing it down with a cold Tui (another local NZ brew), 
tour rules and expectations were explained. Seeing how this is my first international tour I feel that I should describe some of the tour rules so that you old boys out there can reminisce in the days of old:
“The Buffalo”: one must drink only with the left hand, pinky raised to honor the Queen, or else skull your beer.
Tour Golf Balls: a golf ball thrown in your beer = skull your beer.
“The Cape”: if you take down some thing larger than yourself you gain the privilege and honor of wearing a cape for a day. I mean who doesn’t want to wear a cape for a day? Bonuses awarded if she is many multiples of your weight.
Team Doctor: one who complains gets a spoonful of the Doctor’s medicine (a disgusting concoction similar to Special Social’s soup)
The “Kitty”: pay the kitty monetary fines incurred for disrupting tour operations, such as tardiness.
Above are some examples of our tour rules. If you old boys out there want to share some other rules that you know of from prior tour trips that would be awesome. Our youngins need all the information they can get before entering the real world.
After an explanation of the tour rules, we continued to drink up until the start of the US vs. Ireland game. Going back to the motel to change and shower, the team proceeded to dress up in our US supporters gear. Some notable costumes from our team consisted of a full Captain America costume (bulging fake muscles included) and an American version of Captain Jack Sparrow.
The USA-Ireland game was my first live professional rugby game. Entering the stadium with the USA flag in hand was surreal. Basically, we were surrounded by a sea of green, but we were bellowing God Bless America the whole way to our seats. The game commenced and the US came out pumped up an looking for a fight. The US defense was stifling and their physicality made the game a close match. Unfortunately, Ireland’s skills and experience paid out in the end, not before a beautiful interception and try by Paul Emerick. Some thing that you viewers in the US may have missed is Emerick’s salute after he scored his try in honor of 9/11. Very bad ass. Also, I hear that the US put 3 Irish players in the hospital after the game…
Some afterthoughts of the game was that the audience for the rugby game was very amiable. We gave shit to the Irish and they gave it back. People were drunk and raucous but at no point did it feel like it would turn violent. I guess it’s true that Soccer is a game of hooligans and Rugby is a game of gentlemen… off the field of course.
After the match, a local club put on a US fan appreciation party at their field house. The club is called Tukapa (aka the Fighting Cocks or Chickens.. Whatever), and it just so happens to be the same club that we played the following day (will go into details later). The after party was pretty decent. A local band did awesome renditions of US classics. The beer was cheap and the attendees lively. The only issue, which is a recurring issue throughout NZ, is that the local ladies are all sweet but not the prettiest. Let’s just say I understand why sheep shagging is an ironic joke in NZ. Anyways, continued to drink my face off but crashed around midnight due to the fact that we were drinking since 5 AM.
The following day we had a team training at 11 AM and a game against Tukapa at 6 PM. Training was rough and a number of my teammates booted, but in the end it felt great to sweat out the booze. We left our motel for the match at around 4:30 PM and entered the Tukapa field house feeling pretty confident. The field house is pretty awesome. It is two stories tall and housed a dance floor, 2 bars (one on each floor), a full kitchen, and seating that would fit at least 150-200. The training facilities includes 3 full pitches and 4 changing rooms. Our changing room was quite large and looks like it is used often. I mean we found 3 cases of empty beer bottles in the corner, so we know that Rugby culture on the US is the same internationally.
After changing we hit the field for warm-ups. The conditions were cold, wet, and windy. Seeing how I am a genius, I only brought moldies with me and even though the pitch was relatively dry I knew I was going to slip every where. It then proceeded to rain a little bit and that was just insult to injury. If you are unfamiliar with NZ weather habits, just know that it rains often in the winter and without warning. There will be a torrential down pour for 5 minutes and then turn sunny. Crazy Island weather. The sun was also setting at the time and even though the fields have lights, they were not the bright halogen lights but instead the yellow bulbs. Visibility was complete shit.
As we were warming up, our confidence grew as the locals showed up for the match. A number of them were hanging out outside of the clubhouse watching us. The majority were smoking cigarettes. Awesome. They also informed us that they were on the piss as well the night before. Double-ly Awesome.
I’ll just save you from the nitty-gritty details of the game and sum it up for you: we got smoked. This is where I make a thousand excuses for why we lost. First, our Touring side is not the starting side for the Olympic Club. We had a good deal of old boys play for us. Second, field conditions and the lighting was shit. Third, as the game went on about 40 Tukapa players showed up and since we only had about 20 players and were doing open subs our fitness was not a factor. 
Lastly, 3 Tukapa players were from the Taranaki provincial side who just recently won the Provincial Championship. One of these three scored 7 tries against us. Another was from the U20s New Zealand World Cup team. Also, to give you more perspective Taranaki has about 20-25 clubs spread throughout the region. Each of these clubs probably have at least 10 teams starting with the U10s going up to the A-side and old boys. So, in a nutshell, Tukapa was a good club and they thoroughly whooped us Yanks.
Some observations playing in the game is that they are vastly superior to us in two ways. One is their work rate at the breakdown. These fellas were not the fastest or most athletic. Even my slow forward ass stepped a couple of them. I even counter rucked some of their big boys. However, at the rucks they were ferocious. Whether it be hands in, holding people up or even counter rucking, they were great. They were very quick to get ball out as well. Second, is their game sense and counter attack. They are very fluid on the counter attack and their support was great. I guess this comes from growing up with rugby and the years they have played together from a youth team until now.
Now, I digress. After the match, we had a social at their awesome clubhouse. Did I mention how awesome it is to have a clubhouse? We should seriously consider getting a clubhouse for BRFC. The social was pretty chill. Both teams named a man of the match and the two of them had to do a boat race. Our guy won decisively, so we like to think that even though they won the match we won the post-match. Dinner was also served and then team kit was given out and traded between clubs. Rugby is truly a unique sport and these social aspects are custom. This is probably the main reason why so many rugby teams go on tour internationally. Local clubs are always very hospitable and look forward to hosting new teams. It would be great for BRFC to go on tour some time whether domestically or internationally. Maybe some of the current club leadership can get on this.
After the loss to Tukapa we remained in New Plymouth to watch the Cold War part deux show down between US and Russia. So, what do 20 rugby guys do when they have time to kill? I’ll share a few stories.
The Black Widow. I was in a bar called Peggy Gordon’s with the team. We were pretty well lubricated after a few fierce games of lawn bowling. Lawn bowling is basically an NZ version of Bocce. No pins, just throwing larger weighted balls towards a little white ball. Anyways, I was playing darts, Cricket to be exact, with a Texan, a Canadian, and an Irishman. While waiting for my turn, I went up to order a pint. The Black Widow then striked. The first thing she said to me was “Hello. I do not like the rugby.” Odd thing to say when the bar is jam packed with my whole rugby team and World Cup fans. Obviously, she wanted to strike up a conversation. So, I ask her why she doesn’t like “the rugby”. She replies, “Because I am Gothic and gothic doesn’t like the rugby”. These words are verbatim. Anyways, looking her over she’s got multiple visible piercings, steel toed boots that go up to her knees, black skirt, etc. She also has the snaggle tooth, crooked nose, and gave me the impression that she has preyed on many men. I don’t know why she chose me out of the crowd. I guess she found me exotic. Moving on, we continue to small talk and she getting to the point of creeping me out. So, what does any good team member do? “Hey, have you met my good friend, Phil?” 10 minutes later fellatio was performed in the parking lot outside. Phil can not yet deny that he has contracted the gift that keeps giving. So remember you youngins, when you punt make sure you punt it somewhere where your team has good coverage.
O Canada! After the US vs. Ireland game, we were walking out of the stadium and a group of Canadian ladies wanted to take a picture with Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain America. The team starts talking them up and we agree to meet later in the week. We meet up with them a few days later and Captain Jack takes a liking to one of the taller brunettes. After some chit chat we figure out that the three of them are former rugby players who came to NZ for the World Cup. One was blond and the other brunettes were sisters. We are all drinking and Captain Jack and the brunette are hitting it off. Before going on, let me tell you about NZ bars. Almost all of them have slot machine rooms. So, at one point in the night the Brunette leaves to go to the bathroom. Captain Jack follows and awaits in the shadows for her to return. Now, I am in another part of the bar sipping suds with some of the boys. One of my team mates notices some thing on the security monitors of the back room slots. And low and behold, Captain Jack and the brunette commence smashing face on camera for the team to view. To protect the honor of my pal and dignity of the Canadian, I won’t go into further detail, but the night was a great success! I also could have taken down her blonde war pig friend, but I was not in the mood for Canadian bacon that night.
The Ultimate Dance-off Finisher. So you think you can dance? Well, let’s just say this move is an auto-win. Tours can get weird some time. And there is a lot of male bonding. One night two of my teammates engaged in a dance-off. It was only our team in the bar because it was like a Tuesday night. Anyways, the gauntlets were thrown and the dance-off started with the good old shirtless man floss. One removes the shirt and proceeds to gyrate his hips while taking his shirt and pulling it back and forth in between his legs. Again, shirts are always optional. A very strong move and well executed, but my friend took it to the max. We have dubbed it the “Party-Clarkey”. The move is executed by first dancing up to your opponent and shoving him. The next step involves dancing in place and slipping your pants and under garments down to your ankles. Next is to hit the deck with your stomach on the floor and begin to hump it likes it’s your first time. Whilst humping the ground you raise your right arm above your head and bang your fist against the floor in unison. Game. Set. Match.
USA vs. Russia was a much more heated match than USA-Ireland. I guess the Ruskies are still sore about the Cold War and us landing on the Moon first. The night of the match was a bitterly cold evening with a strong cross wind. The US played with a lot of intensity and again did a great job of being physical in their defense. In the end, their hard work paid off and we came away with a win. Let me tell you that the pride I felt to be American after that game was phenomenal. Nothing gets you moe jacked up. After the game, our team stayed in the stadium and asked some of the US pLayers to take pictures with us. One of the benefits for playing for the club is that majority of our players are ex-Cal. And majority of the US team comes from Cal as well. So, after the game we went out and shot the shit. It was a lot of fun and also reminded me of how undersized I am in the game. They grow them big in the US and our team is small in comparison to the rest of the world.
The day after the Russia game, the team traveled to Lake Taupo which is known for it’s natural hot springs and outdoor activities. While there, I went bungee jumping, jet boating, and sky diving. All in one day. That day was EXTREME! I also went white river rafting down the Tongariro river and sat in many of Lake Taopo’s naturally occurring hot pools. If you are in NZ you must check this place out. NZ is known for it’s natural beauty, but Taupo really gives you the opportunity to experience it in a memorable way.
We left Taupo today and I am currently sitting on a bus heading towards Wellington. We plan to attend the US team’s practice on Wednesday, play a game against Old Boys University on Thursday, and then watch the US-Australia match on Friday. Still a lot left on my plate and a lot of booze yet to be drunk. Kelsey Aaron Cole wanted me to give you an update for the Alumnae Web Site so that you can be reminded that men grow old but don’t have to grow up.
I highly suggest that all BRFC players try and go on tour and to continue to play rugby after college. I will forever remember this NZ trip and it will remain special because I experienced it with my team.
Good win against UMaine Farmington, and I hope you boys continue to kick ass during the season. I will most likely see you guys next month for Homecoming, so train up.
Cheers,
Spence
BRFC 